The Most Popular Book in the Whole World (xlormp) wrote,
The Most Popular Book in the Whole World

Chapter Fourteen, "A Planetary Revelation"

The Most Popular Book in the Whole World

Chapter 14, "A Planetary Revelation"

Xlormp's spaceship made this awesome whirry noise as it flew. I listened to it and it filled my soul and spirit with joy and bliss. If only life were naught but a series of whirring spaceships, then I might not be so pissy all the time.

"So," I harped, breaking the silence already broken by whirring, "What planet are you really from?"

Xlormp turned green. Or, I mean, he was already green. Okay, so really, Xlormp just stayed green.

"Planets are complicated things, Frig," he paraphrased.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that one alien might live on one planet, while another alien might live on another planet."

That seemed pretty straightforward to me. I tried to work out the "complicated" part. "So what planet do you live on?'

Xlormp tittered. "Frig, you know I live on Earth."

"I mean, what planet do you live on when you're not living on Earth? What planet are you trying to destroy Earth for?"

"Ah," Xlormp nodded knowingly, finally getting the gist of what I was saying. "I'm from Zmeephish-Q."

I had never heard of that planet before. "I've never heard of that planet before, Xlormp," I chastised.

"That is because your Earth scientists didn't bother to check with the natives before they went around naming planets willy-nilly. My planet, Zmeephish-Q, is actually what your feeble-minded professors know as Io, a moon of Jupiter."

"Io isn't really a moon?"

Xlormp rolled three of his eyes. "No. It is Zmeephish-Q, you insolent child!"

His words hurt like a pitchfork through the brain. "I'm sorry."

Xlormp carried me around in his spaceship all day, and aside from occasionally pissing him off with offensive questions, it was sublimely blissful. When night fell, we were hovering once again over the cardboard palace that was my home.

"Okay, Xlormp, you can beam me home now," I said, my heart breaking at the idea of being away from my alien heartthrob for a whole eight hours.

The green slime ball sidled up beside me. "Frig, now that you know all of my secrets, I'm afraid I can't let you out of my sight."

My heart leapt in my chest. My spleen, jealous of all this attention my heart was getting, leapt too. "Does that'll have to stay the night with me?"

"I'm afraid so."

Xlormp spending a whole night with me, in my bedroom? I could hardly believe it. I wanted to shout with jubilant glee, but Lou was sleeping, so I didn't.

Xlormp beamed us down into my room.

"Okay," he enunciated firmly, "Go lie down and sleep now."

I considered my options. I had the most amazing alien being ever to exist on Earth here, with me, alone in my room. We could sleep, or...

"Are you sure you really want me to go to sleep?" I hinted, adopting my most alluring tone.


I carefully unbuttoned the top of the pajamas I still wore from this morning. "But there are so many more interesting things we could do." Approaching him slowly, I lifted one luscious flipper to my chest and held it tightly there. "So many things we could...try."

My insides were bubbling with passion. I watched as Xlormp's eyes goggled dangerously on their head attachments.

"I don't know what you mean, Frig," he sputtered unconvincingly, "It is time for you to sleep now, this is what you always do at this hour."

I rubbed his flipper along the back of my neck, leaving a trail of slick slime. "How do you know that?"

"Because I have been watching you every night through your open ceiling," he muttered. As he muttered, I felt a tentacle creeping around my waist.

"You've been spying on me?" I nasalized.

"I've been...researching you, in case it turned out I needed to kill you. This entails stalking your every move."

"Oh," I whispered. Our faces were inches away from each other now. My breath came quickly, as tentacles and flippers and some appendages I couldn't identify groped and fondled my entire body.

"I think that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard," I intoned, pulling the creature onto my bed. He followed with little resistance.

I'm not entirely sure where Xlormp's mouth was, but that didn't matter. You don't always need to identify mouths to have as amazing a night as I did.

Catch up with the chapters you may have missed somehow!

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