Chapter 37, "A Nice Conversation (with Aliens)"
"Excuse me?" Wem scoffed. He'd clearly never seen a courtroom drama in his life.
"I said, 'I object'," Christopher repeated. "I have something to say regarding this transaction between you and the Blobbersons."
Wemjox waved their hands in the air. "Nonsense," Wem sputtered. "You don't have any right to object. This has already been planned."
"I'm sorry, we don't really want to get in the middle of anything," Stu said calmly.
"Yeah, well, what about the whole thing where you get weaker if Frig isn't around, huh?" Christopher spouted off, completely ignoring the plan we'd structured last night. "How are you going to handle that, Mr. & Ms. SmartyPants?"
"I mean, that's not entirely true, we do want to get in the middle of things, it's what we do for fun, but there's no need for arguing," Stu interjected.
Wem puffed his chest out, and encouraged Jox to do the same. She refused, however, opting for a more ladylike stance. A good call on her part, I might add.
"There is no need to go washing our dirty laundry in public, Miss Haberdash," Wem spat in a warning tone. "The plan is this. We take that lovely device you and your father crafted, which will transport Frig's brain from her skull into this jar." He held up a jar. I don't know where he got a jar from. "Then, the Blobbersons can keep the rest of her, and we'll get to stay in tact."
I found "in tact" an odd word choice, but I didn't dwell on it, because I was too busy hoping that this would be the last time my brain was ever up for ransom.
If Christopher was upset that she'd been tricked into making a brain-removing device, she didn't let on.
"Wait a second, we only agreed to this deal if there were brains involved," Stu pointed out.
"I have a better idea anyway," Christopher huffed, and I watched in slack-jawed amazement as she went right up to Stu, the biggest, baddest Blobberson of them all, and shook his hand. "Hi, I'm Christopher, this is my house," she said. Wem seethed behind her.
"Oh, well, how nice to meet you, Christopher," Stu said.
"We really appreciate you bringing Lou's pets back," she went on.
"Yeah, it's the least we could do, since we're going to get a human brain out of the deal."
What was it with aliens and brains? I mean, seriously? Didn't they have anything more interesting to study about humanity than our brains?
"Well, I've got an even better deal for you. How would you like to take home two brains?"
Stu wiggled with glee. "Well, that sounds pretty fantastic!" he screeched. "Who's the other brain belong to?"
Christopher grinned. "Actually, they both belong to this intriguing alien-human hybrid standing right in front of you!" She gestured to Wemjox.
"WHAT??" Wem howled.
Stu held up one hand, indicating Christopher should hold onto her thoughts. I knew she would, too. Christopher was good at things like that. We watched as Stu made his way to the rest of the Blobbersons to discuss the new proposition. Christopher shot me a thumbs up. Wemjox seemed to be inflating with hatred with every breath they took, but they couldn't really say anything because, well, the Blobbersons were big and bad. So I guess Christopher had a pretty good plan after all.
After a few minutes, Stu turned back to us. "We like this plan. The weird children will give us much to study."
"Children?" Wem scowled.
Christopher grinned at me. Once again she had saved the day. Xlormp squeezed my waist with his tentacle, and I squeezed back, and everything was very happy and fabulous because it looked like the Blobbersons would take Wemjox away from us and we wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again, except maybe un-brainwashing Tabitha, Klaxie and Lexington.
Speaking of Klaxie, he took this moment to stand up and cry, "No!" His Zmeephish-Quian eyes quivered with tears. "If-if they go, you have to take m-me too!"
I felt something clenchy seize my throat. I realized in that moment that as crazy as Klaxie had been acting the past few weeks, I didn't want him to go. He was one of my alien brothers! Plus, now Tabitha looked like she was about to jump in with the whole "if-he-goes-I-go" thing, and this was just getting ridiculous.
"SILENCE!" Wem screamed, whipping out the brain-sucking device. Again, no idea where he was keeping that thing. "We will not be leaving our colony. We shall thrive independently, with or without your help, Blobbersons!" And in less than one second, I found the gun that would slap my brain into a jar trained at my head. So I guess Christopher's plan hadn't worked after all. And even if the Blobbersons did take Wemjox instead, it wouldn't stop them from pulling that trigger and leaving me brainless, and holy crap, if they wanted it that bad, they could just take it, I mean, I wasn't even using it to be a good girl-slave anyway.
And then, a bunch of stuff happened simultaneously. Number one, Christopher whipped out a gun she had been storing somewhere and aimed it at Wemjox, who didn't even flinch. Number two, all of the Blobbersons armed themselves with their individual super powers, reacting to the weapons already pulled. They glowed different colors now, each color representing something super and bad ass that would surely make Mr. Haberdash's lawn even more of a wreck. And number three, in my panic and because I didn't know what else to do, I pulled the weird metal cube out of my pocket and held it up as high as I could.
That's when I noticed that at some point, it had begun to glow.
And that's when all hell broke loose.
Chapters! Of which there are only two left!
GUYS. I FINISHED WRITING THE REST OF THE BOOK TODAY AND...I WANT TO SAY THINGS...BUT I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING. SO INSTEAD I WILL YELL AT YOU. AAAAAAARGHGGHGHGHAFJDLKHGHAG.
When I finish a book, I like to celebrate with victory pizza. I have no pizza. Needless to say, this is making me somewhat sad.
THE BREAKING DAWN AUCTION ENDS IN LESS THAN A DAY. Whoever wins it, be sure to comment so I know who you are so I can dedicate it to you and do horrible things to it for you.