The Most Popular Book in the Whole World (xlormp) wrote,
The Most Popular Book in the Whole World

Chapter Twelve, "I Think Hector Knows More Than He's Letting On"

The Most Popular Book in the Whole World

Chapter 12, "I Think Hector Knows More Than He's Letting On"

Hector grinned at me with his mouth and teeth, and I noticed in a vague moment of interest that his teeth were pretty okay-looking.

I shook my head and cleared it of any happy thoughts, though, because I was away from Xlormp, so that meant it was time to be sad.

"Hi, Frig!" Hector said, far too pleasantly.

"If you want to make out, the answer is no," I hollered.

Hector's face changed expression "I don't want to make out with you, Frig. I mean, well, I do, but that's not why I'm here-"

"If you think you can get to me through Lou, you're wrong. Lou doesn't even remember his own name half the time."

Lou smiled pleasantly.

"That's not why I'm here either!" Hector warbled.

"Sexual favors?" I guessed, throwing him a suspicious glance out of the corner of my face.

"No!" Hector screeched like a bat.

I gave up. "What, then?"

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to run off with Xlormp and let him make you his girl-slave," Hector speeched honestly.

"Mandarin oranges!" Lou added, not wanting to feel left out of the conversation.

"Bwwwark, mandarin oranges, mandarin oranges," Larry the parrot repeated pointlessly.

But I couldn't worry about mandarin oranges right now. I was too stunned by what Hector had said. "How did you know..."

"About the girl-slave thing?" Hector winked. "It's another alien thing."

"W-well," I babbled, hating Hector more with every passing moment, "I'm not. Going with Xlormp, that is, to be turned into a girl-slave."

Hector gave me a look that implied he didn't believe me. So I figured lying more was the best solution.

"In fact, I'm not going anywhere with Xlormp for any reason. Ever." I raised my eyebrows very high, as if to say, "SO THERE."

Hector stared at me for a very long time. It looked like his eyes were trying to split open my brain and read the inner workings of it somehow, but the good news is that my brain cannot be split by mere human thought. Brain splitting would require sharp utensils or maybe lasers.

The staring went on for an awkwardly long amount of time. I wondered if Hector would ever speak again. Lou tapped on my shoulders and whispered, "Is it time for astronauts, now?"

That seemed to shake Hector out of his bizarre staring thing. He smiled broadly at me and said, "Okay, I believe you! Have a good evening!" And then he left, using his feet to go out the front cardboard flap.

"Nice boy," Lou mused. "He has hair."

** ** **

The next day, I awoke to sunlight smashing violently through my window and braining me on the head. I would have said "ow" except that I was still a little too sleepy.

Anyway, it didn't matter, what mattered now was that I was awake, and being awake meant that any moment, Xlormp would arrive to take me on our date! I jumped out of bed with my legs and, using those same legs, proceeded to dance around my room in a swivelly way. The dancing meant happiness, and while this was strange for me to experience, I let it happen because I was just that awesome a person.

While I was kicking my feet up mid-dance, I heard the sound I would recognize anywhere: the rumble of Xlormp's spaceship. I realized too late that I was still in my nightgown; Xlormp had beamed me up and was staring at me with his goggling eyes.

"I failed to get dressed," I informed him brutally.

Xlormp shrugged, or at least I think it was a shrug. "That information lacks importance, gentle Frig," he said, slithering to me swiftly and placing a firm but loving tentacle on my shoulder.

I almost passed out.

"Today we are going somewhere very special to me, and we are going to complete the ritual to make you my official girl-slave."

I nodded, wanting to ask the questions that had been forming in my perceptive brain, but my mouth could not form words because it was too befuddled by Xlormp's physical presence.

"It is a very special ritual. You see, Frig..." he let his tentacle drop, and I felt like I had been split in two, the pain was so strong. I just wanted his slimy, cold skin on mine again.

"The thing is, it is a very rare ritual. And it also requires me to reveal to very last secret."

My ears perked up at the word "secret". Xlormp was going to reveal more alien secrets? I liked secrets.

"What is the secret?" I implored nosily.

"I cannot tell you. It must be shown."

"Well, can you show me now?"

"No," Xlormp inflected verbally. "If any other non-future-slave-girl humans were to see it, my secret identity would surely be revealed, and all hope of infiltration would be lost forever."

I assumed by "secret identity" he meant his crappy ruse that he wasn't a space alien from outer space.

"Whatever you say, my reason for being," I exalted, just happy to be in the same four-mile radius as Xlormp, the most radiently green creature I'd ever laid eyes on.

"We are landing now," Xlormp spoke passionately. "You should prepare yourself emotionally."

I made sure my pockets were empty, and considered that enough preparation.

"Okay," I confirmed.

Xlormp inhaled a deep breath of oxygen, and then exhaled it back out in the form of CO2. "Here we go," he lamented.

Catch up with the chapters you may have missed somehow!

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