Chapter 33, "Talks With People and Resulting Deep Thoughts"
Except that here's the thing. Nobody really believed me when I tried to tell them that I was the big important pants here, and Wemjox could just suck on that and eat said pants. Except not my nice ones because I needed those to look awesome.
I tried telling Tabitha first, because she seemed the most likely to have her mind swayed, being sweet and simple as she was. So I stopped her in the hall.
“Hey, Tabitha,” I called with words.
“Frig,” she stated, using my name. “I can't talk right now, I'm on my way to the store.”
“Oh, really?” I asked, feigning interest in her boring story. “What's at the store?”
“Well, Wemjox wants some monkey fat sorbet, and I need to pick up the-”
“That's the most interesting thing I've ever heard!” I cut her off because I got bored listening to her, and my news was more interesting. “So anyway, did you know that actually, Wemjox aren't as great as they say they are, and in truth, I'm the one with the super amazing mind altering powers?”
I smiled at her, waiting for her to keel over in astonishment. But no keeling occurred. Instead, she looked me over with vague disinterest. Then she said, “Frig, who are you trying to impress? Everyone knows you're jealous of them.”
“Jealous?” I gawked at her, despite her complete correctness.
“Yes, jealous. And I really thought you were better than that.”
I fought the urge to mention that she must not have known me very well, but I couldn't, because she pressed ahead of me.
“I have to go to the store, Frig, I'll see you later,” she said, making her way to the door.
“Okay, well, fine, I hope you buy...um...LOTS OF MONKEY FAT!” It didn't sound as insulting as I'd hoped it would, but I think the loudness of the yelling made up for that.
I complained to Christopher about how Tabitha didn't believe me and how hurtful that had been. She suggested I try telling Lou, since he liked me and everything.
I couldn't deny that she had something there. I mean, Lou and I hadn't done much talking or hanging out or really anything since Wemjox had taken over. It made me very sad, because I actually gave a crap about Lou and stuff.
But unfortunately, Lou didn't react that much differently from Tabitha. He was nicer and stuff, but he didn't believe me either.
“Frig,” he had said, “I know that you really want to be special. And believe me, you are. But you can't deny the truth of the situation.”
“But Lou,” I tried again, hoping I could make him see, make him understand, “Christopher told me that you asked her something about penguins the other day.”
Lou smiled at me, but I recognized it as a smile that said, “Oh, how poor and pitiful you are, child, to not see things the way they are.” And then he actually said, “Frig, I never said anything like that. I've never before felt as clear-headed as I have since Wemjox were born, and I do have you to thank for that.” He gave me a hug as I silently cursed myself for birthing anything. Last time I do that.
And this raised another question: had Christopher lied about the penguin comment? That seemed pretty unlike her. I didn't know her to be a liar. Could she have only intended to make me feel better, when really I was just as boring as everyone seemed to think?
Thinking of that made me feel sad, and kind of irritated. I went back to my room. Xlormp wasn't there because he had to spend all of his waking hours organizing the perfect meeting with the Blobbersons, leaving me to sit around and do nothing but seethe in my own anger most days.
In my anger at the idea that Christopher and Xlormp may have made a mistake thinking me more awesome than Wemjox, I raided our socks drawer for my secret stash of angry cakes (cakes I ate when I was particularly angry). Xlormp didn't know about my stash of angry cakes. No one did. That is how it remained secret.
Anyway, I found the angry cakes, and I pulled one out to eat. But I also found that weird cube Christopher and I had gotten from Warbling Chuck. I looked at it again.
It sure was a small, uninteresting cube, all right. It didn't even have any moving parts, like a Rubix cube or anything. Nothing was written on it to indicate who made it or what it might be for. It was silver, and kind of heavy, and that was nice. It made it pleasant to hold. But I didn't have any freaking clue why some alien blob had chosen to give it to me in a fight against the Blobbersons. Maybe if I needed something with a nice heft to chuck at their heads? But there were many of them. Therefore, many heads. And only one cube.
I sighed, and this time my sigh held within it depths upon depths of confusion. The world sure seemed to be against me in this moment. This moment of sucky confusion, confusion over many things. Was I in charge of my brain, or was Wemjox? What purpose did the mysterious cube hold? Did Lou actually make that penguins comment? Would a grenade work against Wemjox's force field? Did we have any salad in the fridge?
I chewed thoughtfully on my angry cake, decided if I were thoughtful and not angry that I was eating the wrong kind of cake, and put it and the cube back in the drawer. Then I left to go investigate the salad situation.
Chapters make the world go round! Okay, well, not really.