Chapter 24, "It's Finally Friggen' Make Outs Time"
Xlormp and I marched out of that house, and it was about damn time, too, because things were getting too ridiculous. I mean, I may be a super intelligent and way-in-control girl-slave and everything, but there's still this super hot alien hanging around me and how is a person supposed to ignore that? Even a cool one like me?
So as Xlormp led me to his spaceship and I followed him like a good girl-slave should, I didn't really want to turn around when I heard Christopher open the door and call out my name.
"Frig!" she shouted again, and I heard her feet chasing after me. "Wait up!"
She couldn't possibly want me to actually respond to her, could she? Not possible. Surely she cared about me more than that. But she grabbed my arm and forced me to turn around and look at her, and so I did, and she had this look on her face like she might flip out and do something that would make Xlormp want to slap her, and I really didn't want that to happen.
"What, Christopher?" I asked, hoping that in my words she would hear my actual thoughts, which included (but were not limited to): "Please let my arm go I have so many things I need to do to my alien right now and you are totally screwing it up I mean seriously."
But she didn't. Instead she said, "Listen, I know you're upset but please, promise you'll come back. I can't take this place without you."
I wanted to ask her why she didn't just leave again like she did that one time, what was so freaking important about staying now, logical things like that. And I would have, too, if I'd cared. But caring would have to happen later. So I just said "Ok" to get her the heck off of my arm, and ran off with Xlormp into the space ship.
We took off, and Xlormp put the ship on auto-pilot so we could worry about more important things.
"I want to show you something I did for you, Frig," he said attractively.
"Does it involve my mouth?" I queried sensually.
"It might!" he responded tellingly.
He took my hand, he took it in his flipper, his green and slimy flipper, and I felt something magical happen in my hand. Something like magic and sparkles and happiness or something.
"Follow me," he whispered, gazing at me with his myriad eyes, each one like a sun on a very sunny day, shining as if they were made out of fire and gaseous matter. He led me through some whooshy doors, and down a corridor or two, until we arrived at a door that had a sign on it. The sign said, "Xlormp & Frig's Love Room, Do Not Enter".
He pushed a button and the door whooshed open, and inside was a room decorated from ceiling to floor with colorful paper streamers. It was as beautiful as the birthday parties my school used to throw for me back in kindergarten.
It looked like he'd taken a really long time to decorate it, and when I turned to look at him, he grinned with bigness and asked, "What do you think?"
I wanted to answer him, I really and truly did, but instead, I yanked on his face and crammed my mouth into his. He made some weird yelping noises and I beeped a little just to show him I really meant it.
I'm pretty sure I can't tell you everything that happened in the next three hours or so, because there might be someone reading this who would get super jealous, and you've already got enough to be jealous of me for. Instead, I'm going to read you this poem I wrote about a puppy:
Puppies are cute
They can't get lice
And they can't wear boots."
There. Wasn't that calming? Do you feel more centered, less jealous? You know, other than being jealous of my poetry writing skills. I can't be responsible for all of your emotions.
So anyway, where was I? Oh, right, Xlormp and I were totally molesting the crap out of each other. And then we were done for a little while, and I said, "Hey, Xlormpikins?"
And he said, "Yes?"
And I said, "Are you upset that I am not doing normal girl-slaveish things?"
And he said, "A little, I had looked forward to controlling your every move, but I think I'll get over it."
And I said, "You know, we could move to some really far away planet, away from Wemjox, and I could be more girl-slavey."
And he said, "Possibly, but I think Wemjox needs us to stay here so that it can have some positive parental role models while growing up."
And I said, "Seriously?"
And he said, "I think so. Is that wrong?"
And I said, "It's just that being a positive parental role model takes a lot of time away from getting it on all the time."
And he said, "Oh, that's a good point."
And then we were quiet for a long time, and then I nibbled on his ear appendage a bit, and then he said, "I don't know, I've never spawned an infant before. I feel a little responsible for them."
And I said, "Xlormp, I love you, but I kind of want you to shut up right now."
And he said, "Okay." And he shut up. And then we did more things for another three hours or so, but I am out of poetry, so you'll just have to trust me.
A list of chapters that you have not written because I, in fact, have written them.