Chapter 11, "Things Happen, It's Kind Of Boring"
Xlormp did not leave my side the rest of the day, and I couldn't be happier about it. I thought to myself that maybe tomorrow, I would have to duct tape myself together in case I exploded from extreme happiness,
I noticed Hector in the halls, looking like maybe he wanted to come tell me some more lies about Xlormp and his alienness, but I think he was too scared because of what happened to Steve.
In Advanced Egyptian, we talked about pyramids (BO-ring) and learned how to ask for a cup of juice if we were ever in Egypt, but all I could notice was how, if Xlormp stood next to the window but also slightly under the flourescent lights, he looked kind of translucent. I hiccupped with pleasure and thought about how badly I wanted to caress his tentacles. Was Xlormp thinking of caressing my tentacles, too?
It was hard to say.
I would tell you about the rest of the school day, but here's the thing, it was really boring other than Xlormp being completely perfect and amazing the whole time.
Xlormp was nice enough to fly me home in his spaceship, but we didn't go straight home.
"Where are we going, Xlormpmuffin?" I asked incredulously.
"We are going to take a small detour. I want to ask you a myriad of useless quetions."
"Why is that?"
Xlormp snurffled with is nose thing. "Well, I'm filling out some paperwork to register you as an official girl-slave, and I need some information."
There was something about the way he said "girl-slave" that made all of my glands erupt with lust.
"Ask away, my only love!"
Xlormp nodded, or at the very least, wiggled his antennae. "Okay, the first thing I need to know is if you are allergic to any fruits or vegetables."
I shook my head indicating that the answer was no. Astonishingly, I'd grown quite accusomted to food since moving to Spatulas.
Xlormp made a check mark on a piece of space paper. "Very good. Do you have any pets?"
"Does Lou count?" I screeched perilously.
"Hmm...maybe," Xlormp perturbed, making another marking.
"Xlormp," I queried with my knowledge of speech, "These questions aren't very romantic. Don't you want to know what kind of underwear I like best, or if I prefer wine or champagne?" I tried my best to flutter my eyelashes in what I hoped was an alluring way.
Xlormp glanced at his paperwork. "I don't see any of those questions on the application, no."
My heart did a flip-floppy sad thing and I cried a little, but into my sleeve so that Xlormp couldn't see, as he continued asking me questions that had no bearing on our deep and very meaningful relationship.
The detour took at least an hour and I was getting hungry, because I hadn't eaten at lunch time since I was too busy gazing at Xlormp's slimy amazingness. It seemed like we would never get home, like we would be flying around in this spaceship forever, and that would have been fine with me if Xlormp was actually treating me like the sex goddess I was, but instead it was just this stupid questionairre, and then finally, we were at my house.
I planned on grumping about what a huge waste of time that had been, but before I could open my mouth, Xlormp placed a flipper on my face and gazed deep into my eyes. I felt the words catch in my throat, and all I could manage was a feeble "Shlurrrmp."
"I will see you tomorrow, bright an early, the instant you awake, Frig," Xlormp uttered deeply.
I could listen to him utter forever.
But as soon as the heart-stopping contact had occured, it was over, and I was beamed back into my room, where Lou was waiting.
"Why, Snorklebottom!" Lou reported, "You're home! I was just showing your friend Englebert here the correct method for attacking tallybonkers."
I sighed. Clearly, life would suck between now and the next time Xlormp's flipper caressed my face.
Catch up with the chapters you may have missed somehow!