The Most Popular Book in the Whole World (xlormp) wrote,
The Most Popular Book in the Whole World

Quick Chapter Links


BOOK ONE: The Most Popular Book in the Whole World

Quick Chapter Links
1: I Moved to a New Town
2: My Life is Over Now
3: A Really Short Chapter
4: I Hate Social Interaction
5: Adventures In The Nurse's Office
6: The Most Amazing Day
7: In Which I Prove I Can Read
8: A Chapter With Xlormp In It
9: SPOILER: Xlormp is a Space Alien
10: Happiness is a Cold Tentacle
11: Things Happen, It's Kind Of Boring
12: I Think Hector Knows More Than He's Letting On
13: Yet Another Disturbing Xlormp Feature
14: A Planetary Revelation
15: An Invitation from Zmeephish-Q
16: The Most Boring Story I've Ever Freaking Heard
17: Suspense (or: Wait, Maybe This Story Is About To Get Interesting)
18: All Of A Sudden This Is An Action Thriller
19: Mr. Leader Is Kind Of A Jerk
20: The Winstons
21: I Use My Brain to Make a Decision
22: It's the End of My Brain as We Know It
23: An Even Shorter Chapter
24: I Am Unusually Happy About Life
A Completely Pointless Epilogue

BOOK TWO: The Most Second Book in the Whole Series

Quick Chapter Links
1: The First Chapter (Of My New Life???)
2: Mr. Leader is Still a Jerk
3: The End of the World. For Serious.
4: Returning Home After An Awesome Vacation
5: I Develop A Clever Idea
6: The Inner Sanctum of Really Cool Weapons
7: I'm Sorry, Things Can Only Be So Interesting When There's No Slimy Alien Makeouts to Be Had
8: Learning About Aliens: A Rope of Sand
9: An Outing
10: A Crummy Thing and a Not So Crummy Thing
11: Getting Totally Sick of All This Lame Avoidance Crap
12: Okay, I Don't Know What the Heck is Up With Hector
13: Mr. Haberdash
14: Mr. Haberdash is Probably One of Those Eccentric Millionaires
15: Christopher is Uncomfortably Forward With Me
16: I Would Feel More Emotions if I Knew What was Going On
17: Things Are Maybe Going to Get Happy Again
18: In Which There is Much Yelling
19: Story Time With Klaxie
20: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH (or: Agonizingly Slow Things)
21: It Would be Really Cool If I Didn't Almost Die All the Time
22: A Team Effort of Goodness
23: Sappy Love Crap
24: Official Voting Time
An Epilogue That's Really Just Another Chapter But Without a Number

BOOK THREE: Only Slightly Better Than the Last Book

Quick Chapter Links
1: Trapped in the Cardboard Closet Bedroom
2: A Very Emotionally Charged Chapter
3: A Lesson In Confrontation
4: What Folly Lies in the Hearts of Aliens
5: Story Time With Christopher
6: Tensions Rise Like Spaceships in the Atmosphere
7: Story Time With Klaxie and Monica
8: A Kidnapping and A Rescue and A Disturbing Conversation
9: Aw, Poor Lou
10: A Short Chapter With Dialogue In It
11: Story Time With Mr. Haberdash
12: In Which the Author Reveals How Little She Knows About Courtroom Drama, and Makes Up For That by Saying, "They're Aliens, So It's Different."
13: Story Time With Schmeertz
14: A Chapter Full of Useless Filler
15: Well, Xlormp Certainly Won't be Happy About This
16: Time to Leave Learning Land FOREVER
17: Partying Like It's a Year In Which the World is Ending
18: Learning How To Robo Boogie
19: Battling Internal Rage
20: Hey, Everyone, I'm Still Here, Too, You Know...
21: Crazy Freaking Emotions and Feelings
22: Preparations (And Other Things That Prepare You)
23: Hector 2.0 and Xlormp Work Through Their Issues
24: Attack of the Tallybonkers (From Outerspace)
25: The Aftermath
26: In Which We Get a Letter
27: Xlormp Says Some Things
Epilogue: Christopher Haberdash

BOOK FOUR: The Most Incredible Work of Literature in the Entire Cosmos

Quick Chapter Links
1: Full of Exposition
2: Dealing With Klaxie's Coping Mechanism
3: In Which I Have A Wedding
4: In Which I Continue to Have a Wedding
5: A Magical Honeymoon of Stupid
6: A Short Chapter With Lots of Angst
7: And Then the Honeymoon Became Sucky Again

8: Spoon
9: Homecoming
10: Sadface
11: Worry
12: Eating
13: Distractions
14: Binary
15: Bitchiness
16: Lessons
17: Driving
18: Baby

19: Giving Birth is Totally Not My Favorite
20: So I Guess I Am A Girl-Slave Now
21: I Am a Part Of the Master Plan Now! Sort Of.
22: Apparently the Haberdash House is Now a High Security Location
23: Why Did I Have Such A Weird-ass Baby?
24: It's Finally Friggen' Make Outs Time
25: In Which I Learn Just How Crazy The Baby Cult Is
26: In Which I Use a Lot of Parenthetical Statements (Just You Watch and See)
27: Killing Wemjox
28: Wemjox Makes an Announcement That Pisses Me Off
29: Returning to The Place
30: Xlormp Says Some Things That Make Me Really Happy
31: Attempting a Mission From Wemjox
32: Where Everyone Figures Something Out
33: Talks With People and Resulting Deep Thoughts
34: Christopher and I Develop a Master Plan
35: The Day Before the Thing
36: Very Big Aliens
37: A Nice Conversation (with Aliens)
38: And That's When All Hell Broke Loose
39: The End?!

Buy the books in amazing print form from, complete with awesome bonus features and pages made of real paper!


The Most Popular Book in the Whole World: Three additional short stories in the Xlormp universe not included online: At Home With Lou, The Name Tag Gang Plays Scrabble, and Cliff, the Littlest Tallybonker. Also includes a short story outside the Xlormp universe, Rainbow Hair.

The Most Second Book in the Whole Series: An issue of "Hobo Weekly", Spatulas' only publication exclusively for hobos. Includes articles about Lou, the hobo of the year; the death of the hobo king; the mysterious boxy creatures; music reviews and more. Beautifully arranged by Nicole Curé Williams to look like a legit newspaper!

Only Slightly Better Than the Last Book: A publication about various aliens and their habits, released by the Haberdash Institute in the late 80's. Includes incredible artwork by Sean Curé Williams. Also contains super amazing finger puppets of Frig, Christopher, Xlormp and Hector 2.0 created by the mega-talented Nicole Curé Williams.

E-mail me!
xlormp at gmail dot com

(( The Official Xlormp Action Figure Doll Thing Knitting Pattern! ))

(( Icons and fan-art: Here and here! ))

(( Facebook Group ))

(( Official Xlormp-related Nonsense Community: zmeephish_q ))

Creative Commons License
The Most Popular Book in the Whole World (and sequels) by Jessica Wagstrom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at

Note: The CC License on this stuff has been changed slightly, it is no longer "no derivatives" as I encourage fanart and whatever you feel in your heart like making based on this story. All I ask is that you don't sell it. :)

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